Anyways I own a two syllable forgettable name that won't shorten into a cute compact sized version of the whole. As a child of the early 70's, well actually 1970 almost back flipping off the cliff into 69, I was accorded with one of those traditional Biblical names with its routes in the hell and damnation of the old testament. It's not Maacah or Zillah. Having a name that doesn't shorten like Elizabeth to Liz, Rebecca to Bex or Sharon to Shaz(zer) means that I'm also the ungrateful recipient of alternative unflattering monikers that eclipse my 1970's ubiquitous as beige name my 'well meaning' parents bestowed upon me. Well at least I wasn't christened Britney. I have a good friend who's actually brushed off her identity and reinvented herself not once but twice thanks to Deed Poll. Now that takes brass which I sadly lack. I'm not going to reveal my actual name but will unveil a few of those alternative sobriquets for your general amusement;
(1) Busy body. The one the teacher gave me and scribbled all over my school reports. So what if I was little miss nosey parker snooping in on my class mates affairs I needed creative inspiration for my future blog. Anyway I was just being curious.
(2) Chatterbox. Another teacher's term of endearment. I guess it meant I yabbered alot. I started getting paranoid about this one and promptly stopped talking.
(3) Peanut. Peanut? An offering from my first proper boyfriend. I think he was trying to politely tell me I
(4) Pug/ Puggy. Another delight courtesy of my first boyfriend and then circle of chums circa 1989. Having watched the sad demise of Ethel's dog Willy on Eastenders I became rather charmed by the pug. This is the second time I have mentioned this now and quite clearly in need of more therapy for my unresolved Willy issues. Anyway as well as my fondness for pugs I also possess a squishy nosed face and so it was only a matter of time before I was referred to as one myself. Woof.
(5) Spagsa/ Spagbowl. What? Yes, quite. This was a very random name a bunch of mates at University with a penchant for raving and partying unexpectedly addressed me with one afternoon whilst sat around an aging kitchen table supping builders brew and munching on the only meal of the day, Hobnobs. This name unfortunately stuck for the rest of my third year. I wasn't eating spaghetti at the time but chocolate biscuits. If I'd been chairperson of the University 'cavorting naked with wild abandon in a vat of bolognese sauce' society Spagsa would've been a neat fit. Guess the drugs don't work then.
(4) Tantra - Okay, drum roll please ..... this was my DJ name. In hindsight this was a very fromage friendly moniker although it sounded quite good at the time. These were the days when DJ's used a type of superhero stage name. Lets face it Goldie sounds better than DJ Jonathan Smyth; that's not Goldie's real name by the way. A fellow DJ friend suggested the name Tantra and I casually accepted it. I had no idea at the time that it referred to an ancient spiritual practise. My DJ pals only knew me as Tantra and never by my other name. DJ Tantra became an alter ego, a separate identity I could hide unselfconsciously behind when faced with hundreds of punters in clubs.
Digressing a little, when I met Younger Dad he dared to raise an arched doubting eye brow at my line ''I used to be a DJ''. Admittedly this was a rather clever but predictable ploy to lure him into my totally 'unboutique hotel chic' boudoir but hey it worked. On our first proper date I invited him back for a 'cup of Yorkshire tea' and that disbelieving upturned brow thoroughly straightened itself out when greeted with 3000 deep house and techno 12''s plus a signed copy of a Jeff 'techno God' Mill's white label.
(5) Miss West Yorkshire. Okay this was the name I gave myself when I moved to London ten years ago. I was overawed by the Queen's big smelly pigeon sh*tty urban sprawl so I wanted something to keep me tied to my Northern monkey roots.
(6) Pudding/ Oi Mush! /Poo head. . Younger Dad's sieve like mind has lost all traces of my original name and uses either/all of these to address the gaunt hysterical semblance of a wife he married.
I am now simply known as 'mummy, mummy, mummy', and leave you with this fine ditty by the Ting Tings ...
The wonderful Flossing The Cat sponsored this post and I'm now tagging Mother Porridge, Five Go Blogging, Mummy Plum, and Caught Writing to reveal theirs ....