Monday, 21 May 2012

100 Word Challenge - Just Disappear

The waitress placed the latte and croissant on the table.

David barely registered her. His eyes were caught by the bait of the financial news.

The coffee had bitter overtones and was barely warmer than the life left in his blood.

Enough.

It mattered no more.

He closed the laptop. The finality of this action brought sweet relief.

Unrelated memories surfaced. Mainly women.

"Just disappear" she'd said.

David smiled at the irony.

He'd noticed her flat mate. Their eyes once met in silent recognition. The flame flickered before Charlotte, oblivious, had wrenched him out the door.

David shook his head.

Time to leave.


I'm linking up with JB47's 100 Word Challenge. This week's prompt was ... the flame flickered before ... 





28 comments:

  1. The plot thickens! Compelling reading. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.

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    1. Thank you. So am I .... I'm not quite sure where I'm going. The prompts seem to lead the way.

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  2. I admire the line 'the bait of the financial news'. You've made me want a latte now!

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    1. Thank you! Oh, could you get one for me too. I fancy a milky coffee.

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  3. Looking forward to seeing where this is going.

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  4. There's a lot of mystery here - things that catch his attention then flit past, the irony of "Just disappear." This definitely feels like the beginning of a longer story.

    (In the fourth sentence, I wonder if you meant to put the word 'was' between 'and' and 'barely'.)

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    1. Thank you. This is actually the continuation of a story and I plan to carry on until it reaches its inevitable conclusion. Cheers for spotting the typo!

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  5. I love your word choices and the imagery, the disconnection from the waitress, the intrigue of what Charlotte wanted...nicely done!

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    1. Thank you .... yes, what was Charlotte's intent?

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  6. I love this! Makes me want to read more.

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    1. Thank you very much! More to come .....

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  7. Love the imagery used here and looking forward to reading more. x

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    1. Thank you .... yes, lets see where the prompts lead the story. I have a thin outline but it could all change.

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  8. Wow! You are so good at this!

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  9. He's a very believable character! Very well written :-)

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    1. Thank you! I am enjoying how these characters are coming to life.

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  10. Ah, a twist in the tale. How is it writing this only 100 words at a time? Do you sometimes want to continue on?

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    1. I'm really enjoying it .... its challenging, and yes I do - that's why I keep continuing the story every week.

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  11. We know from the past that he committed suicide. We also know Carlotte thinks it's because she told him she's not interested. We also know, however, that it's due to financial issues (work/personal). Silent recognition of C's flatmate - aha - a new direction. But how can this matter, I wonder, since he is already dead and we know why. Great stuff. Good writing. Enjoying playing Poirot.

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    1. Brilliant - I'm so glad that you do .... there is going to be an angle here - havent quite worked it out yet - the prompts always help. Thank you

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  12. Ooo I love this! So atmospheric and a great interpretation of the prompt. I haven't been able to get round to the 100 w.c. for a couple of weeks but I MUST get back to it!

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    1. Thank you! I don't think I'll be joining in this weeks though ... I don't do poetry ... I'm not very good at it!

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  13. Great story, looking forward to seeing where it goes next! Polly x

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    1. Thank you! Yes, me too although its going to be a bit tricky if the prompt is poetry.

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  14. very interesting!! love the line "The coffee had bitter overtones and was barely warmer than the life left in his blood" shivered i did!!

    x

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    1. Thank you ... glad you liked the line. :o).

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