Saturday, 5 May 2012

Realigning The Pendulati

After two years of threadbare maternity tops and over stretched grey nursing bras, the reconstruction of Older Mum has begun.

My wardrobe currently lies achingly forlorn and abashed by its nudity after I discarded and bagged up most of my tarnished, misshapen clothes. The woman at the charity shop raised a curt eyebrow at my faded rejects as if to say those won't be making it onto our hangers.

Anyway, refashioning ones identity is like building a new home; you have to start with the foundations first. So I've bought new hip hugging knickers, stripey socks, a navy jacket, a polka dot rain mac and a fabulous Mia Tui handbag. I've dyed the many inelegant silver strands that line my face dark blond. I then tamed my overflowing mane by having it reigned in to shoulder length. Thank you patient hairdresser.

Last week I went shopping for new tops and blouses but that was a disaster. And the reason? The Pendulati, my breasts, sat sagging miserably far below the correct eye line demanded by the garment I was trying on. Nothing looked right. Not even a basic t-shirt. Every item was humiliatingly returned to the shop assistant ...

"So you won't be purchasing anything today?"

"No."

So it was time. The Pendulati needed realignment and fast.

Now I've always been amply bosomed. This is something I've not appreciated being only 5' 3" in stature. My late grandmother once enlightened me to the perils of old age; that I would undoubtedly require re enforced scaffolding to assuredly hoick my breasts to a respectable level above the ankle line.  Before Little A arrived the Pendulati weighed in at a hefty 32F. When I fell pregnant they grew like prize winning pumpkins to 32GG. Finally the Pendulati ceased their expansion at a cleavage defying 32H when breastfeeding got under swing, pardon the pun. The Pendulati had effectively colonised and claimed sovereignty over my fleshy limbs and overhangs.

So yesterday Little A, the Pendulati and I boarded a bus to the Big Brassiere Shop in Ealing. Before we left home I looked longingly at my old 32F bras in the hope that my breasts would be reunited with their former cups of residence. Not so as it transpired.

Upon arriving at the Big Brassiere Shop we were shown to a cavernous fitting room downstairs. The assistant was excellent in measuring my bust size. She even helped stuff both my breasts into the many voluminous lacy brassiere cups she proffered. Meanwhile Little A felt it her duty to hold onto my grubby old bra while the Pendulati were being rehoused. Each time the assistant disappeared for a new selection of bras, Little A and I shook our booty to the treble heavy pop classics shouting from the shop speakers. It felt like a cheeky insubordination behind the head teacher's back.

So what size were my new bras I hear you ask?

Alas, after breastfeeding, the Pendulati had only shrunk to a GG cup. I had dreamt of being a smaller size. Was an F cup or even, dare I say it, a size E too much to ask? I felt rather crest fallen. Still I ended up purchasing an assortment of very supportive bras which now finally make the Pendulati appear like they are reaching towards the heavens. Well at the very least they hang higher than my waistline.

The highlight of our adventure though was Little A's reverent observation whilst I paid for my items. She'd spotted a picture of a young brunette modelling her firm, plentiful breasts in a plunge bra and brightly commented, "that's a picture of you mummy."

Bless her.

The Pendulati can breathe a sigh of relief



18 comments:

  1. Oh what a lovely time it sounds like you've had! I am so in need of a tune up, up grade and valet that you wouldn't believe it.

    Enjoy your lovely new clothes and hair and I hope the Pendulati enjoy their new homes!

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    1. Thank you. It is nice, if a little challenging, to refashion myself. The Pendulati though are settling in very well.

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  2. Glad to hear you are back in check now, have fun recreating your image.

    Mich x

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    1. Thank you! I'm getting there. It is lovely to have new clothes.

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  3. From a fellow pendualit sufferer, I extend you my sympathy. When pregnant, I was quite delighted with my massive bump as it was the first time that my mega boobs look small ... even if it was an illusion. What a star your daughter is ... I suggest that you keep her ;-)

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    1. Yes, Little A is a great shopping accessory - she always makes me feel great! Very true about the pregnancy bump - it was also a much needed distraction for me from my boobs.

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  4. With bra's purchased, old clothes banished and hair transformed you are now on track to have a good, positive clothes shopping trip! Remember to try on things you might not particularly think will work aswell, most of my favourite outfits are one's that I looked at on the hanger and thought 'never!' You will be all transformed by the time Britmums Live arrives!

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    1. Yes, hopefully I'll be sparkly, shiney and new for Brit Mums. I'm going on another shopping trip this Wednesday - will try on some colours I wouldn't usually!

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  5. I hear you with the boobage! When I was pregnant with my first child I was a neat 34C, 2 children later I am a 38 DD (probably not but too chicken to get them measured!). Lets have a pic of you in your new mac, it sounds lovely!

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    1. I'd heard myths they were supposed to shrink after babies ... doesn't seem to be the case it seems. Its hard lugging around two satellites!

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  6. The Pendulati is SUCH a good name. I love it. The right undergarments do have an amazing effect on how clothes look. I remember going through a very similar to stage to the one you're going through now, after LP, and buying nothing tops/ jacket wise (and feeling most depressed) because *opposite problem*, there was no chest. After the airbag experience, finding tops was so much easier. Fabulous that you're getting rid of the maternity tops and the old grey bra's. You've made me feel all enthused on the hair front too. Lovely inspiring post.

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    1. Thank you! I'm dying to know what this airbag experience was? Having the right fitting bra makes an enormous difference to clothes shopping; dare I say it, Gok Wan is so right about this issue. I'm going on another shopping mission this Wednesday - West Field should be nice and quiet!

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  7. Don't you just love the way that daughters think that all pictures of lovely women are 'mummy'. I think that I thought the same thing when I was little. Glad the Pendulati are finally rehoused. Onwards and upwards.

    I have given you a little Sunshine Awardfor your general blogging brilliance and for all your encouragement during my April Alphabetical 'journey. No obligation of course. xxx

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    1. Yes, they are re-housed and happy. Thank you for the award - very kind - it made my day - I will of course respond!

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  8. Like Mummy Plum, I am massively impressed by the term Pendulati. As you probably know, mine are The Mildreds, which is far less mysterious, and dare I say, a bit common. I am extremely tempted to write a blog about breast names, but if any of you bastards write it before I do, I will of course join in! xx

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    1. Ah thankyou! I love the Mildreds - always makes me smile. Oh yes! Do write that post. I wait in anticipation.

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  9. I do sympathise. I was always big, now I'm bigger. I'm half considering having a reduction but might pay a visit to Ealing in the near future - cheaper and less painful! Loving your transformation, very inspiring. Polly

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    1. That's something I've considered too. I would love the feel lihjter on top. Wearing the right fitting bra makes all the difference too!

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