Thursday 12 July 2012

All Change ...

So far, this has been an emotional week. It hasn't helped that I'm clouded by premenstrual tension. As I write, another storm hovers menacingly in a whirlpool of murky yellow grey over the rooftop of our flat. The cloud is circling like the base of a UFO from a science fiction movie. It's reminiscent of the mother ship in the Spielberg classic, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind ...

Anyway, the main reason I'm feeling down is because Little A finishes her time with her childminder, L, tomorrow. She was due to end the beginning of August. But a few days ago L received some very upsetting news and she's leaving the country with her immediate family this Saturday. They'll be gone for three weeks. So it has all come to an abrupt end.

This sudden turn of events has made me reflect upon the importance of L in our lives; the positive and nurturing impact she's had on both Little A and I.

When we set out on our quest to find a suitable childminder, L was the first person we interviewed. Little A was only two months old and spent most of her time watching the world from the encasing comfort of a sling bound either to me or Younger Dad. Even though we met a handful of other very competent caregivers, I knew in my bones that L was the right childminder from that initial meeting. She was warm, sturdy, down to earth and possessed an easy friendliness I felt immediately comfortable with, and trusted. It also helped that L had superb references, and that the select mothers I spoke to held her in high regard. So the decision was made.

Little A began her settling in period when she was ten months old. This lasted a month; an hour here and a couple of hours there, until I felt assured that Little A was in safe hands. She began her first full day a couple of weeks shy of her first birthday. From there on L looked after her one day a week.


She's been going to L's for just over a year and a half now. In all that time Little A hasn't fussed when I've relinquished her in the morning. At the end of the day I'm always greeted by a jubilant little girl with a bagful of artwork. L has given Little A constant care and attention, consistency and love, and bowl upon bowl of Cheerios. Her flat is a treasure trove of toddler fun; the living room lined with boxes of stikkle bricks, books, dolls, teddies, make believe costumes, and there's a tent for extra special hide-away mischief. Every week L and Little A frequented playgroups, parks and duck ponds, and Little A's imagination stretched with music, painting, glue and pipe cleaners.

For this I am very grateful because sometimes I fall down in my mothering. I'm not always the responsive or patient parent I'd like to be. In many ways L has been like a special aunt; flexible and on hand in times of personal difficulty and illness, and there have been plenty of last minute requests for help.

And for me, that one day a week, that free space on the calendar has gifted a moment to breathe. Those eight child free hours have granted a space to recover, a space to write, opportunity to see clients, time to read, time to swim, and to reconnect with friends over lunch and a glass of wine. Most of all its helped to claw back my sanity and a clearer sense of myself after nearly two years hidden under the canopy of post natal illness.

And for that I am so thankful.

I'm going to feel very sad when Little A and I wave our last goodbyes. I keep reminding Little A that tomorrow is her last day with L. But she will remain in her happy world as she doesn't really understand. I however, will most definitely shed a tear.

Next week, Little A starts another settling in period at a local nursery. She was going to start in September but we moved the date forwards owing to the latest developments with L. For now, she's going to go two mornings a week, until, when she's three, the blessed fifteen hours of Government funded childcare becomes available. I'm nervous about the change. But I keep reminding myself that Little A's time with L, her nine year old daughter, and the other toddlers L cared for, has buoyed her with the social confidence for her new adventure.

In the meantime I will write L a glowing reference.


Although its Thursday, I'm hooking up with a new linky, Wednesday Witter hosted by Hello Wall.

Wednesday Witter


24 comments:

  1. It's hard to let go, isn't it? When we moved county last year I moved Littlest from a fabulous childminder to a nursery and it was really hard! Emotionally, not practically as chidren, being what they are, adapt easily and she now loves nursery and can't even remember Rachel, which is sad.

    I send her in a couple of mornings a week - like you - for a bit of space, sanity and time. From Sept I return to teaching 2 days a week so the hours will increase, but like you say, the nurturing and fun she has leaves me no guilt!

    Thanks for joining in the linky - much appreciated x

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    1. Yes it is! And sad too! It seems alot kinder to send Little A a couple of mornings a week - giving her a break from me, and a different environment.

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  2. Good luck on your transition! Hang in there :)

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    1. Thank you. It all starts next week, and I'm sure it will be fine.

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  3. Oh that sounds sad. All the mors because Little A won't remember her. But how nice to have had such a lovely influence in her young life. Good luck with nursery. X

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    1. That's so true - in a few months or so she won't remember her any more. One day I'll show her the photos. L has been brilliant with her. X

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  4. It is really really hard to watch your kids deal with change but even when they are as little as your sweet girl it is a good thing and the foundation she has from you and her first Childminder will definately help her make the transition.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, I agree, the time she's spent with her child minder should stand her in good stead for nursery.

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  5. I'ts lovely you have had L to support your daughter over this time. I know how important it is to find help in nuturing our kids when we either can't or need a break. Change is scary but i believe your daughter will thrive at the nursury. We are social beings by nature and it's that interaction with others that helps our brains to form and develop. It's a new step. Wait till school - it's another heartbreaker but also a beautiful marvel to watch our kids develop into their individual selves.

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment. I am very grateful I've had the extra support ... its made such a huge difference. She's ready for nursery now - she's very nearly 2.5 years old, and is starting to take a real interest in other children.

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  6. How sad for you both to leave someone who is clearly very nurturing for little A and reassuring for you. Hope the transition goes well, I'm sure the new nursery will be brilliant x

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    1. Yes it was. I am sure it will be too - She's ready for it now, and the nursery has a tonne of toys and outdoor space she'll love.

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  7. It must be so hard to be losing the help of someone you trust so much. These things are always worse when they are thrust upon you suddenly too.

    I am sure that you will have found a superb nursery for Little A, and that she will enjoy it. 2.5 is a good age to go to nursery. And the important thing to, is that despite the change in circumstances, you will still have some time for you each week. I don't know what I'd do without my 3 x 2.5 hour sessions of freedom each week. x

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    1. I was very, very sad. And yes, it was very sudden too but its funny how life works out. Nursery will be good for both Alice and I. Her immediate start means that there won't be a break in between ending with the childminder and starting nursery which I have to say, I'm quite relieved about.

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  8. Ahh what a shame but it could also be an exciitng opportunity for little A to grow in new ways. Mich x

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    1. I absolutely agree, I think this is a blessing in disguish for Little A. I'm just not very good at change!

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  9. Good luck with the change! I'm sure the new environment will help Little A grow and develop even more. My little man starts school in September and leaves preschool next week. For me, it's not so much the changes that unsettle me as he is a confident little boy, ready to go, and that means I am doing something right. The real sadness is that he has to grow up at all. I used to think the years of having a child must be long, but they are quite the opposite - it goes so fast. Keep smiling. Polly

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    1. I am sure it wil be very good for her too. She's lively and confident and ready for the change. Its me that's rubbish at change! Wow, your little man starts school this September - not so little anymore! His confidence is a testatment to you! It does go fast!

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  10. The kids adapt to change far more easily than we do - I find mine always surprise me - in the most positive way and I bet Little A will be happy with all the other children now she's ready. Best of British XXX

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    1. I'm sure she will be too - we start tomorrow! Best of British - love it! X

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  11. Childcare is so hard to balance, I am sure the change will happen smoothly and she will adapt without any problem. We had to do the same with B Lloyd she was with a childminder for over a year, but circumstances changed and she needed to go to the nursery next to my work. She soon fell into the routine and loved it. I hope the first settling period went well X

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    1. Hello! We are settling in this week. And so far, so good, but today is the first day I'm leaving her on her own - fingers crossed it'll be okay!

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  12. Oh no, it must feel like you're losing a member of your family. Fingers crossed it doesn't cause too much upset and disruption for the family. Hope Little A has a good start at the new nursery.

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    1. Very astute observation - that's exactly what it felt like. L was like an honorary member. Fortunately she had a great start this week.

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