Friday, 27 January 2012


So the big aim this year is to move house. Make no mistake its going to be a Mission. We are currently in the throes of a super sized sort out to prepare the anti tardis, our cramped London flat, for sale. It's going to be a clearance so big it will rival every sofa superstore sale in the Queen's kingdom, and try saying that after a swift glass of vino. 

When it comes to storing personal history I find people tend to fall into one of these two camps; they are either hoarders or throw away-ers. There doesn't seem to be an enlightened middle way approach to managing ones belongings. It's either keep it or chuck it. Black and white. Well Younger Dad is a sentimental hoarder while I on the other hand am a self righteously proud throw away-er. However on this grand occasion of the super sized sort out the roles appear to be reversing.

Younger Dad was tasked with emptying the dusty relics residing in the loft. This weekend he cleared the roof of all the empty cardboard containers; various sized boxes he kept in case of an ebay sale or vaguely 'just in case they might come in handy one day'. Then, and accompanied by enthusiastic squeals from Little A, he piled all the boxes waist high in our lounge before methodically flattening them and finally transporting the whole lot with almost reckless abandon down to the local dump. He hasn't started on his objects d'IT, the foisty camping equipment or the dinosaur hamster just yet but it's a refreshing start.

I on the other hand had to sort through Little A's old clothes, baby equipment and toys. I found the process rather heartbreakingly emotional for the following two reasons ....

I just don't want to let go of the physical memories of my baby. Little A turns two this weekend but once upon a time my arms held her delicate newborn frame in tiny little baby grows and miniature vests. Each cotton baby grow, woolly cardigan, and tiny sock represents a fleeting moment of her precious growth. I laid all her old clothes out on our bed sorting the different ages into separate piles; newborn, 0-3 months , 3-6 months, 6-9 months, you get the picture. Upon completing this task I stood back with my arms crossed and gazed upon the scene of jumpers, trousers, leggings, romper suits, dresses and under garments stacked on the duvet. Honestly, the towers of baby clothing rendered me silent as I became lost in a sea of flashbacks from Little A's first years. I duly picked up individual items and deeply inhaled their cleanly washed smell, tears gathering in my eyes. I then chose the best practical pieces, sentimental items I really love and beautiful clothes bought from friends and relatives to keep from each era. The discarded chaff will be donated to a either the NCT or a charity. Unfortunately I just don't have time to sell it all on ebay.

It shone an ultra bright spot light on the decision to have a second child.  This is currently creating alot of background static in my head. You see I'm 41 so time is a-ticking but I'm still not quite sure whether I want another baby. Life is starting to take on a hue of normality again. Do I want a repetition of the last two years? Younger Dad certainly doesn't. Do I really want to risk another severe depression in pregnancy with a toddler? Do I want to go through post traumatic stress and PND again? How would a second child affect my marriage? On the other hand I worry about Little A being an only. I constantly think about her being alone in the world. Younger Dad keeps reminding me that clearing out a few things does not mean we wont have another baby.

So in the mean time I will hang onto some of Little A's clothing, the co-sleeper cot, the bucket bath, the slings I actually used, the bouncer chair, the play gym, the breast pump and a few other bits and pieces I found very useful.

I won't however be keeping this visual monstrosity. Practical, YES! Easy on the eye, an emphatic NO!

Eye Sore
So are you a hoarder or a throw away-er?
Are you sticking with the one child and if so what are your reasons for this decision?


  1. I don't throw away much but I pass on everything. I hardly bought anything when DD was born. I won't be having another but if I did I'm sure 'stuff' would come my way again just like it did last time.

    1. Great that stuff came your way when you had DD. We ended up spending a small fortune and I still bought most of it on ebay!

  2. I completely understand your comment about not wanting to let go of the physical memories of your baby. I have hoarded everything that Pip owned, and find it very hard to part with any of it. A good clear out can be so cathartic though an you have the added incentive of a new house to look forward to this year too. Exciting times ahead. x

    1. Yes I hope so. Moving is also rather stressful so feeling a little nervous too.

  3. I have a loft full of my first baby's clothes & I still have some of his toys (which are probably considered retro now!). With my new baby (now 18 months) I am trying to be selective but I have to keep most of it I'm afraid! Don't feel you need to do this now, your baby is only 2, who knows what the future holds for you baby-wise ;)
    PS we have that bumbo too, now that IS going on ebay!
    PPS 41 is not old!

  4. Thank you for coming over to comment! Cheers for your vote of confidence regarding my age!

  5. I'm a bit of a chucker... but I get soppy and sentimental about kiddy artwork. Which is BAD because they each produce 6,837 masterpieces per day! One mother I met takes a photo of each one... and THEN chucks them. I thought that was a nice compromise. Good luck with the move!

  6. Now taking photos is a good idea - very easy regarding storage.

  7. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed when I had to get rid of my daughter's pushchair. It meant that I wasn't going to be a mum for a second time around. It meant I'd had three babies but would only ever be mother to one live child.

    If there is the least chance you want a second child then do get moving on it. I know that there is a lot of media coverage of people having babies post 45 but menopause (*complete* cessation of periods) is considered *normal* from age 45 onwards (that's how common it is). After having my daughter at nearly 42 I thought I might have a bit more time but as it was I was going through late perimenopause at the same time I was going through PND (not that I really knew that at the time). I entered menopause at 46.

    Sorry if I sound blunt, but I just wish I'd been told a lot sooner that late conceptions are not just riskier but become rarer because a significant number of us will be unable to conceive by our mid 40s. I hope you have years yet in which to decide, but don't bank on it.

    Now off to read more of your posts...

  8. Hello. Thank you for stopping by and your cautionary words. No not harsh at all - a reality check, because time is running out!


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