Thursday 14 March 2013

Limbo Land

Everything is still. Waiting. Quiet. Even the opened daffodils - big, loud, yellow trumpets - stand silently in the thin cylindrical glass vase on the kitchen table.

The fruit bowl's contents are over ripe and ageing. A pear has a squashed bottom like it's wearing a sodden nappy. Three bananas are blemished with leopard spots. There are apples - Eden's rejects - beyond temptation, their wrinkly skins predicting dry, unappetising first bites - their cores probably browning with unflappable demise.    

And I'm sat in a kind of limbo - not quite here, not quite there.

In fact we all are - Younger Dad, Little A and I.

I try to ignore the peevish whispers from the bookshelves 'pack me, pack me, pack me.' And I know how they feel - it's time to leave - to move into the new chapter of our lives, a brand new home for our family of three.   

When will the contracts exchange? It's just paper twiddling and signing dotted lines damn it. 

I am not made of patient stuff.

And Little A is both excited and confused, vacillating between 'mummy I'm going to live near my cousants (cousins)' and 'mummy I don't want to leave our flat.' There have been numerous nocturnal awakenings, although I suspect I layer her with too many warm blankets - it's hard keeping track with this mild-cold-mild-freezing weather. Then there is her concept of moving, 'mummy, can I take my toys with me when the big truck comes?' 'Sweet heart,' I reply, 'you can take ALL your toys and ALL your teddies,' reassuring her with dramatic emphasis on ALL. 'Oh sank you (thank you), sank you so much mummy!'

Yesterday, I invited her to join me in a spring sort out of her toys. Save for a few baby board books, a wooden boat, and plastic hammer and nail set, she refused to relinquish anything. Can't say I blame her - it wasn't good timing on my part. At the moment, Little A needs familiarity around her, even if it's the comforting relics she's neither seen nor played with in over two years.  

But I know she's going to be just fine...

'Hello, I'm Little A, what's your name?' She asks a platinum blond forty something woman - maybe I should go that colour? - sat to her left at the only che' che' cafe in Croxley Green.'What are you having for lunch today?' The woman turns to the little person on her right. She smiles warmly, taken aback by Little A's chutzpah, and engages my daughter about the weather and her slice of cake.

Already winning friends and influencing people.

'Mummy - loooook - I'm doing dressing up and drawing,' a shrill voice calls as I'm filling out the registration forms at her new pre-school - only a minute walk from our new home. Those contracts better exchange soon. When I look up, my eyes work hard at locating her. Ahhh there she is. I spot her in a pirates outfit painting yogurt pots alongside the other children.

She's going to enjoy living here....    

'We're seeing three childminders today,' she says to the first childminder we meet, 'can I do some painting now?' Paint brush in hand, Little A makes a colourful mess at a table in a sunlit conservatory. I carry on with the interview - she's very friendly, flexible, loaded with qualifications. Half way through, a little voice pipes up, 'can you read to me now?' The minder chooses a Barbie book - not my preferred choice - and proceeds reading about the size zero doll's morning routine.

She's not backwards in coming forwards.

'Can I have some lunch - can I have cheese on toast too?' Only ten minutes earlier, we'd arrived at the second childminder's home just as she was preparing food. 'Of course you can - settle yourself in a chair,' the minder replies. Little A sits herself at the kitchen table. She's accompanied by a baby in a high chair and the minder's very wilful daughter - same age as Little A - strapped in a booster seat. Little A is presented with beautifully cut melted cheese triangles - an alternating combination of cheddar and red leicester - positioned just so, overlapping, around the edge of the plate. In the middle, there's a delicate arrangement of salad  leaves, tomatoes and cucumber like the air is carrying them. These are toddlers you're feeding. A heated exchange erupts. 'You're strapped in... you're strapped in.... potatoes bobatoes...you're strapped in.' 'No I'm not, I'm sitting in a normal chair,' retorts Little A. 'You're strapped in.... You're strapped in.' 'No I'm not,' Little A dismounts her chair and walks to the other end of the table, 'See, look, I'm not strapped in.' The minder and I are thinking the same thing - this clash can never happen again. Ever.

She can stand up for herself.
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So we have much in place - a preschool, a childminder*, the removal firm - preparing Little A for her new life as a home counties girl. But until we have the keys to our new home, we're inhabiting a sort of a domestic no mans land. Hurry up solicitors, get a blinking move on would you!

In the mean time, I'll water the daffodils and buy some fresh fruit.

*We chose the third childminder - the one with an extra assistant, well selected books and mellow pre-schoolers.

38 comments:

  1. Oh I so know how you are feeling, we went through exactly the same this time last year, but once contracts are exchanged it will be all go, and you'll soon forget the limbo time. Good luck with the move xx
    Joy xx

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    1. Looking forward to the day contracts exchange - I want to be on the go and moving. Thank you! X.

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  2. I loved the descriptive start of this post. Especially the bit about the pear. :0)
    All full steam ahead for you over the next month or so then. How exciting. So glad you found a good cholminder for little A - so important. x

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    1. Thank you! I just want to crack on with it now! The childminder is fab! X.

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  3. The waiting is torture Sarah. At least you have made some positive progress by finding a childminder that you're happy with. Hopefully the rest will happen quickly for and you'll be unpacking your books in no time x

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    1. I know it is :o) She's a really nice childminder - like the idea of unpacking boxes! X

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  4. Oh my goodness. Good luck with it all. The waiting must be driving you nuts.

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    1. It is - I'm slowly going mad - I keep having dreams about packing tape!

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  5. It is limbo land - I remember it well. Waiting to move and then your 'real life' will start. Best of luck with it all - Little A will be grand - sounds like she's a match for most!! xx

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    1. It really does feel like everything is on hold - can't wait to move! Little A is a quite a confident missy. X.

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  6. Kids adapt a lot faster than us. You all going to be together so it will be perfect.

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    1. That's very true - it's going to be great once we've moved.

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  7. Best of luck, I hate waiting once I have made a mind up :) Thanks for sharing with us at welcome to the weekend hop ...

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  8. I am sure she will be fine but long waits are hard at this age... well, for us too! I hope things will move soon and go smoothly for you all. xx

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    1. I am sure she will be too! Me too - I just want to get moving now. X.

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  9. hope it all comes together soon - at least you have toys prepared and pre school already introduced and so good you found the right childminder - and yes the other one with that confrontation would not have worked - although it would have been funny to be a fly on the wall, perhaps, sometimes - your daughter clearly won!

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    1. Me too! I am pretty chuffed with myself for sorting out the pre-school and the childminder - no, it absolutely would not have worked with the minder with her daughter - a clash, and Little A wasn't as comfortable there, unsurprisingly.

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  10. Last time we moved was before MP was born and the waiting to exchange back then was arduous enough without a little person to consider. Hope it all goes ahead smoothly, looking forward to hearing news of the settling in process xx

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    1. Thank you - I hope it goes smoothly too - hopefully we should move over the next three weeks, fingers crossed. Oh yes! There will be updates. X.

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  11. Ahhh I hope it all goes really well. End of one era and the very exciting start of another. I'm sure little A will settle in very quickly and she already sounds so excited!

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    1. Me too! It is very exciting - I can almost see the finishing line, and Little A is tres excited!

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  12. Oh the horrible waiting bit, so near yet so far. Little A must be finding it hard to wait for the new things to begin at the same time as being apprehensive about the change. Good fruit descriptions too and I have a great banana cake recipe on the blog for those bananas. Excited to hear about the next stage. x

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    1. Tell me about it! :o). And that is exactly ow Little A is feeling. Love banana cake - will check your recipe out. It will be good to waffle on about the next stage. X.

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  13. Let's hope it's the lull before the storm of moving? I love your writing - very gentle today, kind of calm - this pause in your life is reflected in your style! XX

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    1. Good point! Thank you very much lovely - it's really nice to know my words came across as calm (although I'm not sure I feel it inside :o) ). X.

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  14. Your writing style is so beautiful - I was lost for a moment there, imagining that soggy bottomed pear. I sincerely hope that your move goes ahead soon, so that you can enjoy your lives in your new home :)

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    1. Thank you - that is very kind. Yes, me too - all the waiting is killing me :o).

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  15. Hope you are not waiting too much longer, that feeling of limbo is very frustrating. Can't wait to read all about your move x

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    1. I hope so too - the detail of all the legal paperwork makes me want to bang my head against the wall! I can't wait to start writing about it :o).

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  16. I love your beautiful, descriptive prose at the beginning. I cna picture it...and I don't want a bite of your apples!

    Your little A is charming and adorable and will adapt so well. If only you could get those damn keys! Best of luck!

    xx Jazzy

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    1. Thank you - said fruit got chucked. Little a is very charming, but I would say that - I'm her mum! I so want those keys! X.

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  17. Lovely writing. I hope u got some fresh fruit, always feels better. So when is the big move? Feels like ages since u had that terrible accident with the ladder when u were still looking (hope that's far behind u now). I'm very excited for u. Xxx

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    1. Thank you very much - fresh fruit was purchased! Big move is hopefully in April (fingers crossed) - my ankle still hurts! X.

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  18. You are such a beautiful writer. Hang in there, not long to go now before you'll be all settled in.
    xx

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    1. Thank you - that is very kind. Hanging as best as I can - but it's so nail biting! X.

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  19. She will be absolutely grand. As long as she's with you and Younger Dad, she'll feel all safe and secure and it'll be a good adventure. T shocked me with how well he handled our move last year.

    This is such a beautifully written post, it really is. How you manage to turn such stress into such lovely writing is beyond me!

    xx

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    1. I think she will be too! She is certainly looking forward to the adventure, and her new pre-school. And thank you about my writing skillz - you've just made my day! X

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