Monday 14 January 2013

NEVER Trust Estate Agents

"Would you like to view the boarded out area in the loft?"

 "YES!"

"I'll just lower the ladder then..."

Bernard, the estate agent, opens the attic door and lowers the ladder into position. No one checks to see whether the joints have correctly secured in place, it is presumed the ladder is solid, fit for ascending into the headier regions of this home. Besides, as Bernard reminds with vexing salesmanship, there's already been a steady stream of potential buyers who've safely climbed into the roof.

This attic has been partially converted. From the floor, I can make out wooden beams and storage space and a lone, high wattage strip light. I place one trainer on the first rung, gripping the frame with both hands. Behind me, a concerned little voice makes its self heard...

"Be careful climbing up the ladder mummy."

"Don't worry, she's absolutely fine," Younger Dad says reassuring Little A.

One foot in front of the other, pulling myself up, neck craning, the loft interior reveals its secrets rung by rung; I can see more storage alcoves and the angled crossing of beams.

I reach the middle.Then. SNAP. The ladder collapses in two. Without any time to comprehend what is happening, I fall to the floor landing on my back, banging my head against a cupboard. But it's my left leg that takes the brunt - it's entangled in the fallen heap of metal. Apart from a faint hint of the prickly electricity of pins and needles, my lower leg is numb from the knee down. Later, Younger Dad tells me how my left leg shot forwards through a rung as the ladder gave.

Shock. Total shock.

ARGGGHHHH, HELP, HELP, ARGGGHHHH...

...And then the tears. Big, fat distressed tears.

The ladder is promptly removed. Bernard is frozen, pale-faced. Little A cuddles my shoulder as I writhe, clutching my left leg, on the in-need-of-a-serious-rinsing cream carpet. Younger Dad is worryingly asking where it's hurting, he thinks I've damaged my back.

But I'm quite oblivious to the caring attentions of Little A and Younger Dad. My eyes are focused on the black coat and white mop of Bernard. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm currently horizontal, I might have given into a visceral urge to return him a left hook. But of course, I don't - I couldn't - my exterior is far too polite for such a gut response. I imagine clocking his expressionless face one instead.

Sensation eventually reignites my left calf. With adrenalin flooding every cell, I'm able to stand. On both legs. Phew. Nothing broken. Bernard offers a tepid mug of tap water, muttering some kind of apology. And then? In the best of British, we carry on with the viewing. I'm not keen on the downstairs living space, the rooms lack the fluidity required for a family of three. And the pencil thin garden? Well where exactly would we fit a swing?

When we leave Bernard behind, the tears reappear with amplified flurry. I feel strangely embarrassed by the accident, the kind of humiliation I might have felt if I'd publicly fainted. I'm clearly still in shock. I've also decided that Bernard is plain bad luck - this is the second viewing with him, the first - another house we loved, placed an offer on but consequently lost - left a bitter taste on our tongues; Bernard, with the slipperiness of a blackened banana skin, wasn't the slightest bit transparent as to the sold or not sold status of this-much-desired property - he kept us hanging on for over a month....until he finally mentioned in passing that it'd gone to the vendor we were competing with, the one with no chain.

I DO NOT WANT A THIRD VIEWING WITH BERNARD.

At home, the adrenal glands abate, leaving pain and swelling in their wake. When I sit down, my coccyx reminds me where I fell on my back, the purple blue hues of bruising appear above the knee, my calf and foot are stiff - ligaments and muscle feeling very hard done by. Pain killers are promptly administered.

As I say goodnight to Little A, she advises me with the straightforward concern of a doctor who's seen it all before, 'not to hop on my left leg.'

The following morning I'm invited to play a game she's named estate agent dragon.

I politely decline, offering TV instead.

Linking up with The Monday Club.

themondayclub

48 comments:

  1. You were really lucky. My friend fell through a loft and broke her back

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    1. Yes I was! How is your friend's back now, she's not paralysed is she?

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  2. Ouch and double ouch. Hope you are recovering. I don't like to tar all estate agents with the same brush but there is always the ones who really don't do their reputation any favours. After being very rudely treated by one particular firm on most UK high streets I vowed we would never sell a house with them. We've only sold one but we didn't use them. To them selling houses is a job and they often forget the emotional turmoil which is involved in selecting a new home for your family. I hope your home buying experiences improve. xx

    P.S. I actually know someone who is an Estate Agent and is very lovely.

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    1. On the mend! Thanks for your perspective - I know they aren't all bad (we are dealing with nice agents too) - but we won't be dealing with this guy again! More house viewing this weekend! X.

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  3. I read that in terror, fearing you were writing from a hospital bed. You definitely need to lose Bernard. Trouble is, the industry abounds with such as him!

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    1. Thank goodness I'm not - it could have been so much worse! Estate agents are always much nicer when they are selling your home!

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  4. I enjoyed reading that....is that ok? Funny feeling. The build-up made me smile in expectation, but then the subsequent writing made me feel bad for smiling. Nicely played. Toying with my emotions and making me feel bad. Nicely played.

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    1. Yes, that is okay :o) Nice to know that I'm a master manipulator of emotion (learnt that from Little A)!

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  5. In view of your injuries I feel sorry to say it, but, that was a jolly good read. LOVED the description of Bernard being as slippery as a blackened banana skin. I'm going to remember that one!

    Buying and selling is stressful enough without having to deal with the whole smoke and mirrors piece agents insist on putting you through. I hope it all works out and you find the house of your dreams soon. Funnily enough, I'm off to meet an Agent right now to view some properties. Will avoid ladders. x

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    1. Well it pleases me very much that you enjoyed reading that - blackened banana skins are risky - broken collar bone risky! If you are selling, estate agents can't do enough for you but buying is a very different kettle of fish! Hope you've had some luck with your flat/house hunt. X.

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  6. Ouch. Glad nothing was broken. And definitely ditch Bernard.

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    1. Yes it was. And we are going to ask for a different salesman if we have to view a property through this agent again!

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  7. Oof, you poor thing, what a horrid experience.

    It's a shame you didn't land on Bernard - that would have learned him!

    Good luck with the next viewings and a nicer agent.

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    1. It was very shocking... took me a few days to recover. Wish I had landed on him. Thank you.

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  8. And that is the reason I don't climb. Ever. I don't like Bernard either btw.

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    1. It's put me off ladders - never really liked them in the first place. Boo to Bernard!

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  9. Oh my goodness, what a horror story! Bless your little daughter, she didn't say 'I told you so mummy!' afterwards did she? I agree with the other readers please don't have another appointment with Bernard!! Somewhere out there is your dream home I'm sure of it and I don't somehow think you will be in a hurry to view the loft! Good luck with your hunt and wishing you a speedy recovery from your fall x

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    1. Yes it was! No she's didn't. And, we won't be having another appointment with him. More viewings this Saturday, and starting to feel a little better! x.

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  10. Sounds like Bernard would've been more useful if you'd landed on him. Is it worth a trip to a osteo to give you a once over?

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    1. Wish I had done. Currently asking the estate agents to pay for a session of osteopathy!

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  11. good grief OM, glad you came out virtually unscathed, maybe 3rd time lucky with Bernard *ducking* :) xx

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    1. Ha ha ha - very funny!!!! But we won't be doing viewings with him again. X.

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  12. I felt quite sick as I read that...I hope your back is ok. I bet 'poor' Bernard was worrying about the impending litigation.....

    Hope you're ok xx

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    1. I'm on the mend - still a few aches - and absolutely right about Bernard - already asked estate agent to pay for a session of osteopathy (not heard back from them yet though). X.

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  13. Oh blimey, poor you. They really are a slippery lot - couldn't agree more. Selling our flat was a total palaver from start to finish, and buying somewhere is proving no less straightforward. I'll leave loft viewings to the husband!

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    1. It wasn't pleasant - they seem slightly better when you are selling, only slightly. No more lofts for me!

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  14. Poor you. Glad you're resting up..... And in typically brave British style, you carried on with the viewing! One day you'll laugh, but probably not for a VERY long time. Big hugs XXX

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    1. I'm on the mend - lower back still achy - I'll laugh once we're inside our new home! X.

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  15. My big bro says that estate agents are the only profession who intellectually should wear overalls but get to wear a suit. I think that is a little rude to overall wearers...little A still sounds adorable and almost enough to distract you from estate agents.

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    1. Very funny, and insulting to overall wearers in one. Little A is a real little trooper.

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  16. Eek! Poor you, hope you're feeling a little better. I'm surprised Younger Dad didn't clock Bernard! Love that your little one offered such practical advice though :)

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    1. On the mend :o). He really wanted to in hindsight but was just as shocked as me. Little A's medical advise really made me laugh :o).

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  17. Bernard sounds like a trumpet and I would have happily told him that if I was there. I cant believe that he didn't know such a huge detail which should have been passed on. Of course people will want to look at the loft, the owners should also have made it clear about the ladders.

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    1. That's what Younger Dad said of him, although your words are politer! Most estate agents won't let you look into lofts because of the risk of an accident.

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  18. Oh my goodness, that's awful. I agree, it would have been better if you could have landed on Bernard. Was nothing more said about it afterwards? I agree, Bernard was probably worried about possible litigation. I'm afraid I wouldn't have carried on, not because I couldn't, but because if the loft ladder isn't fit for purpose, what else isn't (apart from Bernard)?! And you were clearly not going to buy it after that experience.

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    1. Wasn't very pleasant - wish I had landed on him. I've written to the estate agents asking for compensation by way of an osteopathy appointment for a decent check-up. Absolutely NOT going to buy this property! :o).

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  19. Oh, you had me wincing. After recently nocturnal shenanigans resulting in a broken arm, I am now in terror of falling down any kind of stairs. Hope you are ok. And why don't you get Little A tell Bernard that you will no longer be needing him? I am sure that she will let him down gently.

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    1. Love the idea of Little A telling Bernard to b**ger off! He needs a dose of her honesty. Hope your arm has mended now?

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  20. Sounds terrible - what a saga. I hope you are feeling ok now. I'd be going to Bernard's mgr or making a formal complaint about the ladder incident, you cld have been seriously hurt. House hunting ... You will find your dream home, but hopefully sooner than later (I'm still away and having a break from everything but will be back blogging soon. Thanks for yr continued support) kimxx

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    1. Yes it was. On the mend now though. Have already emailed the estate agent - but not heard back yet. Fingers crossed we find 'the one' soon. Looked forward to your blogging return! X

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  21. Well I never knew that house buying could be that dangerous, not in the literal sense anyway! I hope that your bruised ego and leg are healing nicely. Don't suppose Bernard will be clambering to take you back out either! X

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    1. No, neither did I! On the mend, and feeling a lot happier today! That's a very good point about Bernard - don't think he will want to us either! X.

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  22. I hope you're feeling better lovely, this sounds like a nightmare. Property stuff is so stressful isn't it? Don't know anyone who has either bought or sold without ending the process with a good half dozen or so stories to tell about nightmare houses, nightmare estate agents, or nightmare prospective buyers. Hope you get sorted out soon with no more injuries xx

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    1. Defo on the mend now - a few aches and pains here and there. Tell me about it - the whole process is very tiring (the agents we are using to sell our flat seem quite nice so far) and we are off to view another NINE properties this Saturday weather pending. You should see my bruises! X.

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  23. Oh no, I hope your leg is ok and healing well. Stupid Bernard, needs a clip round the ear and probably a bit of a sacking. Get well soon! xx

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    1. Thank you - it's nearly there. I hope he has had a bit of a telling off. X.

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  24. What a scary experience! Glad that you did not get injured badly. And yes, no third viewing with Bernard!! xx

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    1. It was shocking! Still a few aches and pains - and totally avoiding that estate agent... X.

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