For Sale

Offered to anyone - ANYONE - is this curiously presented and never before seen first floor, lovingly converted two double bedroom period flat. This property retains many of it's original features like doors, windows and a tiled roof. There are plug sockets and a cooker if you should so feel domestically inclined. This charming property is centrally heated. However it's always a good idea to keep a scarf, mittens and thermal undergarments on hand, as you never know what might happen when those bitter easterly winds gust through the rafters. This rare to the market property is surrounded by transport - cars, taxis, buses, bicycles, prams to name a few, and the local skies provide wonderful opportunities for plane spotting, day and night.

So shall we take a look inside? And if you aren't partial to brown, beige or cream, here's a pair of tinted glasses to help obscure any offensive furnishings. Remember, keep an open mind, it's all about the space inside.

Take off your shoes first please, you wouldn't want their soles sullied by the glue and snot melded on the woollen mix cream carpets now would you? Attach these plastic bags to your feet, and here are some elastic bands to keep them firmly in place. Don't worry, they won't obstruct your blood flow.

So first we have this double bedroom. This is currently where the little nipper sleeps. As you can see, there are four walls and a window. Unfortunately, this property doesn't come with the spotty chest of drawers. If you look closely at the carpet you can just make out the toddler's delightful artwork, she's really created quite a subtle abstract effect with about 20 mls of calpol. See those swirls right there? I think this adds character and real depth to this property.

Next is the bathroom. Now if you don't like the clean look, and would prefer a more organic feel, just rip the whole lot out and house a bucket in the corner. You might want to keep the tiles though, stripes are apparently this season's fashion must.

Now don't you just love this master bedroom? Ah, I see you are wearing the tinted glasses. Yes, there is a lot of brown in here, but I think this gives a cosy, nay, almost muddy waterhole feel of bathing with hippos. Don't you think this really transports you to another world? Ah, a poker face I see - but I bet there's lots going on underneath? To your right, the dark caramel walls are offset by this very commonly used feature wall. Some advice - don't stare at it when you're inebriated.  And see that fireplace? An excellent spot for housing deodorant or hairspray or your alarm clock even.  

Now this is the property's W.O.W factor - this very spacious lounge. Still wearing those tinted glasses? Good for you - a sense of humour I see! Now there is so much potential here. What you could do is go completely open plan by knocking through every wall, apart from the exterior of course, erect some vertical supports - a few strategically placed columns of heavily bound cook books should suffice, we don't want the roof falling in - and create one big happy eating, bathing, sleeping, toileting space for all those wonderful memories you are sure to manufacture in this welcoming home.

And if you turn around you'll see a stair case. That's your exercise sorted. No thrombosis. No heart attacks. This flat has it all! Now would you like to accompany me upstairs?

I hope this snow flurry isn't putting you off. It's only seasonal. Remember what I said about keeping a spare set of thermals on you? Just wait till you see what this kitchen does in the summer! Now as I've already said, there's plenty of great potential in this property. If you climb out of the kitchen window you could transform an unpretentious area about three foot long and thirty inches wide into a neighbourly look-out that will accommodate one person standing, binoculars, a cup of tea and a medium sized house plant. This could indeed add further value to this property.

(There's also a fully boarded loft area, home to a hungry and constantly flatulent Gruffalo.)

As an added bonus, the sellers have agreed to leave all their take-away menus, a few freezer bag clips, the BT phone book, and a hand written address list of local cake shops in what could become your personal messy drawer.  

So how does this property grab you? Still a poker face I see. Well I need to let you know that I will be expecting a number of competitive offers come Monday morning, so you might want to have a good, hard think over the weekend.

And before you leave, please could you return the tinted glasses, plastic bags and elastic bands - I have another viewing in ten minutes.

#Once upon a time - Riding My Bicycle

Once upon a time .....

I rode my bicycle every where. To work. To college. And down to the local high street. For two whole years, I cycled the length and breadth of West London. Then Little A arrived and I haven't cycled since.

My two wheeled friend transported me on adventures through quiet backstreets and passed homes I could only ever dream of living in.

I loved my blue bike. I named him Malcolm.

I had all the gear; a helmet, waterproofs, gloves, cycling shoes and clothing for all seasons. I even had special anti puncture tyres; who wants to get a flat tyre in the dark unfriendliness of a cold London night?

Malcolm had two pannier bags, affectionately known as the paninis, that attached on a rail at the back, housing my clothes and hurriedly made packed lunches.

The route to work and college was pretty much the same but I loved that forty minute ride.

It took me down Uxbridge Road passed Halal and Polish delicatessens, and commuters bonded unwillingly together on packed, bendy buses. Then into the urban smells of Shepherds Bush, passed the Westfield Centre, and onto the quiet winding streets of Notting Hill. Who lives in these white mansions? I wonder how much THAT one is going for? What are those builders doing?

I once spotted Will Young walking a very tiny toy dog.

Everyday I relished biking up a particularly steep hill. The last few feet, I always had to stand up in the saddle and will my perspiring self to the summit. The top met a junction where I turned left to be rewarded by a peddle free slow descent around a meandering crescent, which, after a few hundred yards, met the rush hour traffic charging up and down Ladbroke Grove. Then through the early morning clanging and buzz of market stalls on Portobello Road, and onto Westbourne Grove, flanked by its designer boutiques and mouth watering eateries. Yotam Ottolenghi has a terrific cake shop there; the passion fruit meringue pies are unbridled bliss.

On to Paddington, where Malcolm and I ducked and dived through grimy car fumes, whilst angrily belling at yawning pedestrians with heads buried in newspapers, and eyes glued to android phones. It's funny how pedestrians can't stand car drivers and car drivers hate pedestrians. Well cyclists loathe all of the above and especially black cabs, who are the most inconsiderate of the lot!

If I was travelling to work, my journey continued onwards over Edgware Road ending in Marlebone. If I was on a mission to college, my journey terminated by the quiet canal side of Little Venice with its moored barges and chatting ducks.   

What I loved about cycling was the freedom to roam and discover. I savoured the muscular strength of my thighs and calves, and the air pressing upon my face, clearing my nostrils, before diving into oxygen hungry lungs. I became very fit and toned; my derriere has never looked so good.

I loved watching life go by; dog walkers struggling with yappy canines on muddled leads, street sweepers brushing away the daily detritus, lovers arguing, children walking hand in hand, buggies laden with shopping, and mothers chaperoning miniature ghouls and witches on Halloween.

But most of all I loved observing the passing of the seasons. There was nothing more exhilarating or life affirming than the sharp iciness of wintry rain splashing against my cheeks. Or the weight of a summers down pour upon my shoulders whilst sloshing through giant puddles. Or cycling through the leafy beauty of orange, red and yellow confetti gently floating in the weakened rays of an autumnal sun. Or watching the first shoots unfold, and blossom dancing in the fizzy atmosphere of a spring evening.

I will never forget one frosty December evening. I was cycling home from college. It was about 10.30 pm. The sky was totally clear. Stars winked and the moons muted light shone on the chilly roof tops of Notting Hill homes. I was about to cycle down that very steep hill but stopped to take in the view. West London quietly sparkled in the distance. Not a sound stirred. No cars or the sing song of alcohol influenced babble to pollute the silence. Nothing. All that could be heard was my breath and a whisper of a breeze that made silhouetted branches timidly creak. It was just me, Malcolm and the world beyond us. There was something so grounding, so solid about the stillness of that winter's night. Pure magic.

And now .... Malcolm is sadly rusting under a plastic sheet outside my flat. All my gear has been stuffed unceremoniously in one of the paninis in the loft.

I think it high time to resurrect my ailing bike.

Time to take to the roads once more.

So once upon a time, what did you enjoy (or dislike) doing, seeing or creating? It could be anything. What were you like many moons ago? Do you have a once upon a time story to tell or picture to share? It could be a happy, sad or humourous tale. The skies the limit. I've decided to turn this into a monthly meme blog hop thing. So do Link up below and grab the badge code ...

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