Monday, 4 February 2013

100 Word Challenge - Pushed

"There? On the platform?" I'd barely absorbed Charlotte's words.

Charlotte was there, the day it happened.

"I was in the middle - it was so packed - I saw his head." A sharp inhale. "He was stood right at the edge, I tried to move forwards but no one was budging. There was this person - a bloke I think - edging through towards him. He got close, there was this sudden swell, and then David wasn't there, and then the screaming, the screaming..."

Charlotte's hands covered her ears. Beneath the surface, I saw the scolding bubbles of self reproach.

"Char, this wasn't your fault."

"Chrissy, I should have done something!"


I'm linking up with JB47's 100 Word Challenge. This week's prompt was... Beneath the surface ...
This is part of a wider story. You can read the other instalments in the series here.



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24 comments:

  1. The Prettygoodlife4 February 2013 at 22:49

    Drum roll...this is shaping up to be a dramatic story!

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  2. bibsey Mama5 February 2013 at 11:45

    ... still a good read. Are you nearly there?

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  3. Bo5 February 2013 at 12:03

    I love the suspense!

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  4. Unknown5 February 2013 at 13:31

    Oh no....there's a part of me that keeps wondering if he was pushed...

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  5. Older Single Mum5 February 2013 at 14:35

    Aaaagh - brilliant!

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  6. Dee5 February 2013 at 15:41

    a great cliffhanger! And definitely leaves you wanting to know more

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  7. Alicia5 February 2013 at 18:45

    Oh! This got my attention. I'll have to remember to check back in and read the other parts of this story. Thanks for sharing. :)

    Hole in the Ground: http://www.aliciaaudrey.com/blog/hole-in-the-ground/

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    1. Older Mum6 February 2013 at 20:54

      Thank you ... please do come back and read the rest and let me know your thoughts!

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  8. Anonymous6 February 2013 at 11:49

    Oof that's horrible. Well done!

    Hope little A's birthday party went well. I want to hear all about it.

    I nominated you for a MAD blog award. And very hard work it was too. (Kept having to start again. Most odd) Anyway, good luck. xx

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    1. Older Mum6 February 2013 at 20:58

      Thank you! It was lovely, thank you - that's my next blog post funnily enough! And thank you so much - really kind of you! X.

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  9. New Mum Online6 February 2013 at 16:06

    I still haven't read the rest of the story and so so need to.
    Liska x

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  10. Mummy Plum6 February 2013 at 16:55

    I'm actually glad he was pushed (not for David) but for the story. Makes for a much more exciting ending. Keep it coming! :0)

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    1. Older Mum6 February 2013 at 21:00

      Ah thank you - I took the right narrative turn then. I'm a bit flummoxed though as to the direction this is going in now. Hope I don't disappoint!

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  11. brudberg7 February 2013 at 21:00

    Wow this snippet of story really caught my attention. I realize I have missed many weeks, I love how you capture the story in conversation.

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    1. Older Mum8 February 2013 at 15:27

      Great! Thank you so much - that was lovely feedback :o).

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  12. Anonymous8 February 2013 at 13:58

    Is this part of a longer story? The suspense in this piece is brilliant. Was he pushed? Did he jump...? I love the line 'Beneath the surface, I saw the scolding bubbles of self reproach.' Great use of the prompt.

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    1. Older Mum8 February 2013 at 15:28

      Thank you so much. Yes it is part of a longer story - glad you are asking those questions, that's what I had intended!

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