#One Week - Winter '13 - English Beauty

The other week I watched one of my favourite films, American Beauty. It doesn't matter how many times I watch this film, it always has the same impact on me. I remember, aged twenty-nine, sitting in the darkness of the Barbican theatre with my best friend, H, profoundly captivated by one of the most beautiful scenes in cinema.

It's the scene where Ricky, the compulsive film diarist, shows Janey - his new girlfriend - the most perfect thing he's ever seen; a plastic bag dancing in the wind, whirling amidst tossing leaves.

Every time I watch this moment, my soul both sings and cries. It's actually hard to describe the way this scene makes me feel, but the combination of words and music lifts me from the mundane into the very heart of truth. And there are always tears. Always.

And it's the scene where Ricky's character is transformed from superficial weirdo into poetic observer of life....

....and his words are so sublimely compelling;

"It was one of those days, when it's a minute away from snowing. And there was this electricity in the air. You could almost hear it. And this bag was just .... dancing ....with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That was the day when I realised that there was this .... entire life.... behind things. And this incredibly benevolent force who wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.

Sometimes there is so much .... beauty .... in the world. It's like I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in."

Sometimes, I can't contain the grace that lies inside.

Sometimes, it's so unbearably beautiful, it's painful.

Do I deserve her?

The way she puckers her mouth against my cheek. The way her arms wrap around my neck like I'm the last person on earth. The way her eyes shine at my smile. How she forgives my mistakes. How she trusts everything I say and do. How she's so happy I'm her mum.

My English Beauty. Her love releases me and kills me at the same time.

Then I remember to breathe and savour every precious drop.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me, like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude."   

Lester Burnham's final thoughts - American Beauty. 

And here is the plastic bag scene I love so much...

This is the fourth day of the seasonal linky One Week. Until Friday, I'll be posting a photograph(s) and a few words that diarises and distills my experience of autumn'12. Take a peep at the details here. You can join in for one, two ... or the full five days. And don't forget to add #oneweek on Twitter, and comment on each others posts...

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