Friday 15 February 2013

The Drill

Every night the whole thing simply drags on and on, minutes extending, rolling into essential blogging time with yet more demands, more requests. Sometimes there's no foreseeable finish line, no slices of orange at the end of a vertical climb, no free pass through the bedroom door, until she's past out, finally stolen by sleep.

I made a thirteen point picture plan artfully illustrated with hand drawn symbols on yellow card -complimented with stars, and hearts, and triangles - for each stage, so that she'd unequivocally understand the drill...

1. Rubber Duck. (bath time).  Little A often plays with Lucy, her blue kitchen fork, whisking up a frothy froth of pretend hot chocolate in a bright orange beaker. She will empty the entire contents of her bath bucket into the foam; ducks, boats, crocodiles, whales, colliding, struggling to keep afloat - it's like the aftermath of titanic, except the water's warmer.

"It's time to wash your hair and face Little A."

"No thank you mummy, you can do it tomorrow instead."

"Little A.....?"

"T.O.M.O.R.R.O.W. I.N.S.T.E.A.D."

<sigh>

2. Grow Bag. (nappy, pyjamas, grow bag). But all of a sudden I have a little fairy on my hands fluttering and dancing as nature intended with a pair of blue wings and flashing wand.

"I need to do magic and running first mummy."

<sigh><sigh>

3. Toothbrush. (brushing teeth). On account of the challenge of brushing those threenager molars, we have three toothbrushes, offering *ahem* choice and partial control. There's Tina Toothbrush (pink and yellow), Timmy Toothbrush (blue), and Tuber Toothbrush (green and blue). Little A keeps her family of denture polishers in a Gruffalo bath bag that's hidden away in her Gruffalo Trunki, which, as a matter of fact, I won for this. Every evening, I head a solemn procession to the bathroom with Little A and Trunki, shuffling and rolling behind. What follows is an exact order of unlock-open-unzip-choose toothbrush-apply toothpaste-open wide-wider-brush-teeth together-brush-good girl-rinse-zip up-close-lock....

"Choose which one please."

"I want Timmy."

"Okay."

"No, Tuber... no mummy... I want... I want Tina."

<getting impatient>

4. Teddy Bear. (the good night teddy song). This is my favourite bedtime ritual. We veil Little A's kingdom of teddies, dollies, fluffy cuddlies - dumped on the teddy bench - with a red blanket while heartily singing the following verse....
Good night teddies - Good night teddies - Good night teddies, 
We've had a happy day
Hooray
Good night teddies - Good night teddies - Good night teddies, 
We've had a happy day
We've had a happ-eee day
Hip hip hooray
<a calm, charming interlude>

5. Book. (story time). She has one story but somehow manages to flick through the entire book again when I've made it firmly, but kindly clear, it's three pages only. Maybe I should refrain from checking the inbox on my phone.

<annoyed at myself>

6. Dog. (kiss Truffles good night) Truffles is a big, shaggy dog flopped on newly washed carpet at the head end of Little A's cot (yes, she's still behind bars - I'm working on it). She sleeps with a furry ear - yanked lovingly through the cot bars - in her left hand. Don't think the dog appreciates this.

<why is this part of the routine? she goes to kiss Truffles, returning to me on the futon, ergo moving in the wrong direction of the cot.>

7. Mother and child embracing. (cuddle time). (a) Sitting down cuddle - Little A will oft explore my nostrils, kneed my cheeks like stiff dough, and ruthlessly observe my teeth as dirty and yellow. (b) Standing up cuddle where my forehead and chin are raspberried and licked by a pudgy tongue.

<tired - i'm not a fan of saliva>  

8. Child behind bars. (in the cot). I.N. T.H.E. C.O.T.

< at last, nearly at the end>

9. Light switch. (lights out). First, I turn the light out. Then it's Little A's turn with either Doggy, Monkey, or Teal - a rag doll - tucked under her arm.

"Mummy, can you turn the torch on? Just one time?"

"Little A, that's not part of the routine. Light's out."

"I can't see..."

"Don't worry, your eyes will get used to it."

<it's so dark, where's the cot...bump> 

10. Book. (mummy's story) This is where I play Jack-a-nory, telling Little A a home grown tale. It's her choice.... and it could be Little A and the Octonauts; Little A and the Mermaid; Little A and the Octonauts and the Mermaid; the Dragon visits nursery; Little A, Mummy, Lucy - the fork - and the Dragon fly to Chiswick; Little A and Abney and Teal.....

<ooooh, this is fun, but keep it short, keep it short>      

11. Toilet. (a trip to the lavatory). A quick sit on the throne while I check my phone.

<like the appendix, the black and white TV, and Truffles, there is no definable use for this - it doesn't add anything to the routine, save to see if I have any comments>

12. Hand On Child's Back. (gentle back). A back rub, affectionately known as gentle back - for her highness, followed by a cuddle, and a few sips of water.

<hang in there, it's nearly over>  

13. Moon and Stars. (sweet everythings). Our final parting gesture as I stand, staring into freedom, from her bedroom door....
Night night by far, 
Sweet dreams by far
I love you
I love you to the moon and stars and back again
And I will see you in the morning
Night night by far
Sweet dreams by far
Love you - night night.
  .... and she repeats every line after me - heart meltingly wonderful.

<huzzah, laptop here I come> 

Only, not quite, as here's what usually happens next.....

More gentle back, want a cuddle, want some water; spilt the water mummy - I need a new grow bag, done a poo, need more water, can't get to sleep, want a kiss, done another poo, want to start all over again (the routine), not ready to say night-night by far, want another cuddle, more water, just one more time....   

... and the tears and tantrums as boundaries are reluctantly reset.

But like the British winter she persists, and persists, and persists.

How long is your bedtime routine?
How do you manage with two or more children?

45 comments:

  1. Ahhh, this sounds like a lovely routine! Lucky little A :)

    Re the last bit - the repeated calls for water, wees, cuddles etc - ours has shortened greatly since the dropping of the nap. At the end of last year it was getting completely ridiculous and T wasn't settling properly until about half nine every night, but since he stopped daytime naps his head hits the pillow about 6.45 every night and he's out. Lovely to get your evenings back!

    (But it does make the thought of having a second less appeaking - we have grown so used to having a little person who sleeps 7-7 that the thought of going back to three-hourly wake-ups is just grim)

    xx

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    1. It is sweet, but could do with a bit of tweeking! Well she has dropped her nap but still calls out. I wonder if I am putting her down too late - she keeps waking too early. I see Dorky Son does the full 12 hours! X.

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  2. I'm with you on this one! I now have it with both of them, so the time has extended even further!
    We usually start with "I don't like going to bed" and then the whole teeth, toilet, hand washing, teddy routine. It's usually a whole decision dilemma about which story to have. Of course now they both want something different.
    So yes our bedtime can drag on a bit. I usually collapse with relief once they both safely ensconced and asleep - or at least pretending to be!

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    1. I can't imagine what's its like with too - guess you have to be pretty firm and keep the thing to a minimum. I can only imagine the squabbles with your bedtime story saga! It's nice to get that freedom after they are asleep!

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  3. Ohhh this looks so familiar. Little Z does the drinks thing..."Can I have milk"? As soon as the lights go out. Then he grins cheekily when I put the lights back on! In our house bed time can sometimes go way past 9pm! I'm definitely not sure how people do it with more than one child!

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    1. Oh yes! Little A will make a fuss - then I go in, turn the light on and she starts smiling too! We've gone way past 9 too - good to know I'm not the only one!

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  4. Sounds as though this little lady has her mummy firmly wrapped around her little finger. But, then, what do I know I haven't got any children. Judging by the other comments you are not alone! Come to think of it, I can remember stretching out bedtime when I was a child. Would suddenly become very helpful and go around plumping up all the cushions!! lol

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    1. Yes, she does - but I think most children do it. Like you, I can remember staying up as long as I possibly could!I used to sit by the light of the landing and read a book!

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  5. Oh my love. I feel your pain. It's like herding the proverbial cats isn't it? But less co-operative, right? I loved the line: "A quick sit on the throne while I check my phone".

    Sometimes I curse myself for wishing that I were somewhere else at this time of day. One day she won't even need me. But, on the other hand, don't they just drive you mad sometimes?

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    1. Thank you!I know what you mean though - it can feel like such a chore BUT one day Little A won't need me anymore, and that will be sad.

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  6. That's quite some bedtime routine. I outsourced this when CK turned 18 months. Paul does it pretty much every night now but it's quite some performance; almost a cabaret act to be honest. I had to takeover for a night last week while he worked late and CK asked if I could sing Coldplay to him. Uh no! What's wrong with Twinkle Twinkle?!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It most certainly is and needs some drastic pairing down. Ha ha ha ha - love that you 'out sourced' CK's bedtime to Paul. CK asked if you could sing Coldplay to him? *sniggers*. Did you know the lyrics? What's wrong with the old 'uns? :o).

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  7. Fabulous post and some great comments too. The thing that shines through is your love and patience, sounds like you have a lovely relationship. Memories to treasure :)

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    1. Thank you Charlie - lovely, supportive comment. We do have a great relationship! :o).

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  8. I have 2 (2&4) bedtime routine takes 15minutes between 6:45-7pm and includes, loo, teeth brushing, story, light off. Any deviation from the set routine is met with threats of withdrawal of story. Objections to brushing of teeth by 2 yr old lead to being pinned down and teeth brushed. It's actually easier to brush them when her mouth is open because she is screaming.

    7pm is wine time. End of.

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    1. Every parent has to do what's right by them - especially when you are managing two or more!

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  9. Oh dear I don't think I could go back to that. Take heart it won't last. Mine has just taken to reading to herself this year. It will happen for you too. x

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    1. I know it won't - give it another 6 months to a year, it will be different! Just as well Little A adores books, I'm banking on her reading herself to sleep when she gets older. X.

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  10. I feel rather guilty reading this, I'm not half as nice to Pip as you are to little A! Mine knows that when the cuckoo chirps 7 it's up to bath, and then it's two stories and bed. No messin. Unless the husband comes home and then he gets away with all sorts because Daddy is a soft touch :0). Doing it when I had one was tiring, but doing it with two can be a nightmare. Am really lucky that EB seems to go down easily before Pip's bathtime otherwise I think I'd be in a world of pain.

    Bedtimes should be such special times I always think, but sometimes it's hard to create the magic at the end of a long tiring day when your patience has been stretched to the limit. You are not alone! x

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    1. No, please don't feel guilty - I really wish Little A's routine was a lot simpler and shorter, and I know at some point I will have to scale it down. It's easier with one, but I think she gets away with a little too much - most of it my doing in the name of an easy life! And like you, my patience is very thin at the end of the day! X.

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  11. I have no routine that sticks at all with Syd. Keep trying, but he resists being in the same time zone as us. His sleep is brill if I stick to a schedule 3 hours later than I would like. Of course lying in until 10, which is his preference, is not possible with two big ones to get to school. So I keep trying to get him to bed earlier, but whatever steps I take, whatever nap schedules I use, however often I wake him at 7am , he just doesn't settle properly until 10 pm! Little bugger!

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    1. Have you tried dropping the nap altogether and seeing what happens. Little A went through a whole period of not going to bed until late, and in the end we just dropped the nap, and now she goes off very quickly.

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  12. all i can say is that it will pass. be strong with the routine and even if she cries do not feel guilty.
    with two kids it is bloody difficult more than i thought it will be. getting some time for myself it doesn't really happen :(
    i am hoping that in time that will change though. The oldest is mostly good so i am hoping my youngest will be the same too.

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    1. Thank you! I hope it does too. I've already had to lay down a few boundaries - there are tears but it works in the end. I still think I need to shorten it more though. Can't imagine what it's like with two!

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  13. I'm sure she'll settle down eventually - you have far more patience than I ever had though! I've been trying to remember my two kids' bedtimes when they were very young and I don't think they were so bad at actually going to bed but staying asleep was another matter - both really bad sleepers - that's definitely stuck with me! Now they're a fair bit older and sleep fine we have a dog that wakes up in the night for the loo! Story of my life! xx

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    1. That made me laugh! I don't have as much patience as you think, and I really need to cut the routine down. Will you ever get a decent night's rest? :o). X.

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  14. U are very patient ! We do what we call a ' dump and run' bedtime. There is a bath, milk story then it's plop her in the cot and done.....she likes being in bed though so we are just lucky ! Baby number 2 due next week so who knows what chaos shall soon be upon us :-/

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    1. Thank you - but I do lose my patience by the evening which is why I need to cut the whole thing down - very best of luck with baby no 2. :o).

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  15. Dump and run is what my OH calls our bedtime routine with my little tyke !!

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  16. You now officially have my vote as 'most patient mummy of the year'! This is some routine and the jo and down afterwards must be absolutely exhausting. If you truly want an answer.....when you have a second and perhaps third or fourth child, the eldest just has to get used to you having less time - a hard lesson to learn but probably does them good in the long run :)

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    1. That's very kind, but I'm really not as patient as you think! 'This is some routine', exactly, and why it needs drastically trimming :o). I'm a first born and something I feel I do have is self reliance! :o).

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  17. this is hillarious - I can really relate to lots of this - I will have to do a blogpost sometime on this - if I can get downstairs long enough before my bedtime, that is !

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    1. Thank you - yes, blog about it - would love to hear about your experiences!

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  18. You made me laugh so much - so much of this so familiar!

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    1. Thank you - glad it brought a smile to your face!

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  19. My girls are now way past that kind of routine, although Second Daughter still likes me to come and kiss her goodnight when she is in bed.
    Perhaps my memory fails me, but I think we had the getting ready for bed-reading-cuddle time routine, and then they both fell asleep!
    Good luck! ;) xx

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    1. Lovely that your second daughter likes you to give her a kiss goodnight. A nice bedtime is important - I think mine goes on for too long, but I would like Little A to grow up with happy memories of bedtimes! :o) X.

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  20. Ah, now with 2 it's much easier - you just get military style, otherwise you wouldn't be downstairs before it's time to go up again...

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    1. I reckon you have no option with two - it really does have to be bish bash bosh .... could still make it so for Little A!

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  21. I love the way you've told the tale of your bedtime routine, you are such a loving and attentive mum. I know sometimes I am so ready for my two to be in bed that I have to remind myself to linger a little longer and share a good night moment. I was always very firm about bedtime from day one and we've not had many bedtime issues. I suppose I agree with Actually Mummy, you wont get you time otherwise. x

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    1. Thank you, and thank you again. I do need to cut the routine down a bit, there will be tears, but I tend to agree that I need my time as well! X.

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  22. Hey mama where have u been ? I'm looking forward to yr next post. I hope all is ok xxx

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    1. All's well - I'm getting ready for next week's #oneweek blog a day (have been writing them this week). X.

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  23. Oh gosh, I remember those days so well! Our 'threenager molars' (love that phrase!) are almost all up! I feel your pain, nowadays all sorts of other things take the place of bedtime routine, such as it being at a later time for one, and seep into essential blogging time.

    A visual chart is a wonderful thing. Is it accompanied by a star every time a 'level' or task is completed? ;-)

    Good luck. It will all be over soon. Like, when she's 18 or something!!

    xx Jazzy

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    1. I nicked that phrase off Grenglish, she coined the term :o)I'm hoping as she gets older the whole thing will get shorter and shorter and she will sleep better too. 18? - yeah, great! :o). X.

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